Parallel 1: Beware What You Wish For
by myriassterre
Summary: First in the 'Parallel' series. Buffy makes a wish that sends her to a universe where Angel became human on her 17th birthday, now she has to choose. WIP. BA. ABANDONED
1. Prologue

Parallel: Beware What You Wish For  
By Maddy

**Summary:** 1st in the 'Parallel' series. Buffy makes a wish, it comes true and she finds herself in a parallel universe  
**Rating:** PG13 to R for some language  
**Spoilers:** Everything in all seasons of Buffy, and the first season of Angel just to be safe  
**Timeline:** This starts just after Riley's drug withdrawals kick in, then goes on from there  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the BtVS or Ats characters, but some of the ones you don't recognise are mine  
**Distribution:** If you have permission to have any of my other fic, you can take this one too, if not, just ask  
**Feedback:** I would love some feedback/reviews with this, so, you know: read and review  
**Author's Notes:** This gets a bit complicated with the plot, so I'm going to flush out a bit of it right now: Buffy makes a wish, and gets sent to a parallel universe where Angel turned human on Buffy's 17th birthday. The two Buffy's are now only one Buffy, meaning that the cannon universe has no Buffy at all anymore. Buffy has no memories of the parallel universe until the Oracles give them to her, then she has both sets of memories. There are some other differences between the universes, such as Dawn exists in the parallel one (but not yet), and never exists in the cannon one because Buffy isn't there anymore, the Angel series never happened in the parallel for obvious reasons. All of this will be explained in more detail in later parts. But if you want me to explain it some more later on, just tell me. The last thing I want is for somebody to get confused. _Italics are flashbacks, thoughts or dreams._

**PROLOGUE:**

I watched Riley, he's breathing heavily. _Damn those Initiative jackasses! How could they do this? People are people, not their little experiments._ I then remembered Spike, and although I might hate him, they shouldn't have put that chip in his head, especially now that he's been hanging around.

I closed my eyes and wished that I were someplace else. My life has sucked lately - no not lately, ever since Angel left. I hoped that Parker wanted a relationship, but all he wanted was sex and me being the big, dumb, idiot fell for his 'live in the moment' speech and lived in the moment. But Riley, it felt different with him; he's so nice and as normal as a government agent who hunts demons can be.

I don't love him, I don't know if I ever will, but he makes me feel less lonely, that's important right?

"Buffy, how's he doing?" asked Xander, walking into the room. We moved Riley to my dorm room; it just didn't feel right to put him back at Lowell House.

"I don't know," I admitted wearily "I don't know much about drug withdrawals."

Xander nodded "Will's bringing some food. How about you go and get out for a few hours, you've been sitting here all day."

_He's right, I did want to get out, but Riley needs someone to be here._ Xander must have read my mind, because he offers to stay until I get back.

"I'll take care of soldier boy, you go vent by killing things."

I smiled, and gave him a quick hug, grabbed two stakes from my drawer and left.

_I once said to Giles that kicking ass was Slayer comfort food, it really is. After staking two vamps I was feeling much better, a lot of the tension had left my body, _I felt a bit lighter.

_But I'm dreading what I know is waiting for me back at my room, a sick boyfriend. I haven't had to deal with sick boyfriends in a while, unless of course you count Angel's poisoning. But he wasn't my boyfriend at the – don't think about it. Maybe that should become my motto: "don't think about it." Maybe if I say it enough, I won't think about him. Yeah, like that could ever happen. Everything leads back to Angel – look, now you've said his name. Idiot! Now, for the rest of the night you're going to have Angel on the brain, you won't be able to focus on Riley. Riley is the important person at the moment and he needs your support. And stop talking to yourself in the third person!_

At that moment another vampire leapt out at me, I easily blocked his attacks and stake him through the heart without any trouble. That almost seemed too easy. I thought as I dusted the vampire off my clothes_. Effective, though sometimes messy._

I sensed another person, it wasn't a demon but it was Willow.

"Hey, Buffy."

"What are you doing here?" I asked my best friend as she walked closer to me.

"I just wanted to see you, Xander told me you went patrolling. Riley can't keep his food down; we're just going to have to ride it out. I'm sorry about this."

"Don't be silly, it isn't your fault." I told her, "It's the damn government. They are in way over their heads."

"Yeah, interfering were they don't belong."

"It should be their motto." Yeah, like: don't think about it. I needed a change of topic, so I asked Willow about her witchcraft. _Honestly, I'm not all that interested. I don't understand most of it, but whenever it gets brought up; Willow's mood gets better, which in turn makes my mood better_. Willow started rambling about how annoying her Wicca group was, about what spells she hasn't been able to successfully do yet.

But despite my best efforts, Willow gradually turned the conversation back towards Riley.

"I don't know what I should do about it, you know, the Initiative. His whole world is being turned upside-down, I know what it's like to have everything you every thought was real turn out to be a lie."

"I think we all feel that way sometimes, but that's not what I wanted to know."

"But you asked about my feelings about Riley and the Initiative, I just said them."

"What I meant," began Willow, as we stopped walking through the cemetery. "Was how you feel about Riley in general, I was trying to trick you into revealing something."

"Oh, right." I began walking again, completely ignoring her question. _I don't want to think about my feelings for Riley and I definitely don't want to talk to Willow about it. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I'm so used to keeping boyfriendly relationships kinda secret. Before my seventeenth birthday, I had no worries about telling Willow everything about Angel and I, but after…_

"You're avoiding," accused Willow. Is it an accusation if they're right?

"So, I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not? Is it that bad?"

"No, oh, I don't know." I sit on a headstone. "I really don't know what I feel for him. There's this big confusion cloud and no matter how much I try to blow it away; it won't leave."

"Confusion cloud, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled at her expression. "Not my best, but good for now."

"So, why the Cloud of Confusion?"

I gave her a look that said: 'you've got to be kidding, right? What is it always about?'

"Right…Angel."

"Yeah, Angel." I sighed in sadness, sadness mixed with frustration. "It always comes back to him. Why does it always come back to him?"

"The same reason it will always come back to Oz." She answered, I instantly felt bad for her. I didn't mean to bring him into the conversation. I know how much it can hurt. "First love, Buffy. It's a killer."

"Wonderful."

We sat in silence for about three seconds before I decided to break it, both the silence and my vow to myself: don't think about it. "I still love Angel, I think I always will. I think I always want to. Does that mean I can't love Riley?"

"No, it just means you'll love them both."

"But I don't love Riley, Will. I can't."

"Of course you can, there's nothing stopping you."

"Except that I still love Angel. I don't think I'm capable of loving more than one person at a time."

"Hey, you have so much love to give, Buffy. If you're meant to love Riley, then you will. If not, maybe you should do something about it before this gets out of hand."

"And before Riley finds out about Angel."

"True."

"I wish it wasn't so hard, you know, loving someone and not being able to be with them."

"Preaching to the choir here, Buff."

"I just wish, you know, that I don't have to worry about this stuff." I smiled at Willow. She didn't smile back, she screamed my name and I don't remember what happened after that.

_**(page break)**_

My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright, with a scream I tried to leap to my feet, but instead I fell out of a bed. _Thud._ I groaned and got up onto my knees. My head was swimming in circles, I let my head fall forward and that's when I saw it.

"Holy crap!" I was naked - completely undressed, "oh, god." I reached forward and pulled the red sheets toward my body. _Wait a minute…where the hell am I?_

"Buffy?" asked a voice. "What are you doing on the floor?"

His beautiful face came into view; I gasped and felt tears form in my eyes. He looked different. My joy at seeing him was _very_ quickly replaced the fear and anger.

"Buffy?"

I gave myself a shake, "what the hell is going on, Angel? Why are you in Sunnydale, and why am I naked? Are you evil again? Where's Willow?"

"Huh? Willow…she'd be at the dorms."

"What did you do to me?" I yelled, getting to my feet, careful to pull the sheet with me. But when the sheet started to uncover Angel's lower half, I stop trying to get away_. I really can't handle seeing him all naked when I can't be with him. What the hell is going on?_

"I didn't do anything, honey, are you alright?" he sat on the edge of the bed, his chest was looking so good. _Buffy, don't do this to yourself, look at his face, look at his face. Oh, yeah, that'll help; he has the most beautiful face in the entire world. Stop talking to yourself, you're not crazy; so don't start acting like it!_ "Did you have a dream?"

"No…I don't, what's going on?"

He reached out for me, and for some reason I didn't move away when his hands touched my arm and pulled me a couple of steps closer.

"Why are you warm?" I stared at him, trying to figure it out. _Why does he look different? It's his eyes, they're…happier._

"What?" He laughed, "Is this a game? Buffy, you know why I'm warm."

"And why would that be!" I snapped angrily, Angel's eyes flashed with worry and fear.

"Because I'm human…" he said slowly, drawing out the last word. I almost had a heart attack.

"Human!"

TBC...  
Okay, there you have it. The beginning of my mega epic series. I'll let you guys fester a bit over the prologue before adding the next part. Please R and R, I always reply if I'm given some way to contact you. Love, Mad


	2. Part One

**PART ONE:**

"Yes, human," his face – his beautiful and tanned face – was filled with confusion. "Buffy, are you sure you're okay?"

"No, I don't think I am." I looked him over, _stop it!_

"You're not okay," his voice was filled with worry and he started to get up. I let out a yelp. "What is it?"

"I don't know who you are, don't get up when you're all naked." _Please don't get up_, "Is this a spell? Are you a demon pretending to be Angel? What the hell is going on!" I yelled angrily.

Angel sat on the bed, looking at me with a stunned face, "who are you?"

"What?"

"You're obviously not Buffy, not my Buffy anyway-"

"I am so Buffy, but I'm definitely not _yours_, you broke up with me remember?" I shot bitterly at him.

"What the hell are you talking about? I've never broken up with you, we've been going out for over two years. Our first date was that Halloween you turned into a noblewoman; well it wasn't really a date I was trying to keep you from getting killed. But it was you who blew off the coffee date."

My mouth dropped, Angel just babbled. _He babbled! He normally says a few words that sometimes make it into a few sentences and that is that._

"Wait, you said we've been going out for over two years, is that two years straight?"

"Yes," he said slowly.

"I never killed you?" I asked softly, keeping back the tears that have always threatened when I thought about it.

"God, no!" Laughed Angel, "of course you've never done that."

_But then that would mean… _"Oh, crap." I sighed, "I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore."

"Wizard of Oz reference, right?"

"Yeah, have you-?"

"You made me watch it last Christmas when you found out I'd never seen it before. Buffy," he said, looking into my eyes. _I wish he would look away._ "What's going on? How come you don't know what's happened to us?"

"I know what happened to us, or more correctly me and my Angel_." Not your Angel, not anymore. _"I don't think you're lying about being human or about things that have happened to you and your Buffy. But you have to believe _me_ when I tell you I'm not from here. This isn't my world."

He stared at me for a moment, "are we together in y-your world?"

"You believe me?"

"I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, plus I can always tell when you're lying."

"We're not together, haven't been for…so long. It feels that long; it's only been eight months."

"Okay, in that chest of drawers, is your – I mean, Buffy's clothes. There's also some hanging space in the wardrobe."

It then occurred to me where I was, it's the mansion, but it didn't look much like it. There was a lot of furniture in the bedroom. _Angel's room is so homey._ I felt another tear outbreak, but blinked them away.

"I'll turn my back," his voice breaking, choked up with his own emotions. Reflex wanted me to reach out and hold him in my arms. _How did this happen? I don't remember, I was patrolling, talking to Willow and then I'm here. _I looked at the drawer, she has drawers, and that made me smile. _At least one Buffy in the universe can be happy._

_**(page break)**_

Angel drove me to a house I don't remember ever seeing, he said that we were going to see Giles_, but he doesn't live here._ _Wrong world remember, he could live anywhere._ Angel knocked on Giles' door hard and fast, all the while looking at me with that penetrating thing he does that makes me feel so exposed.

"Who is it?"

"Angel and, um, Buffy."

I heard the door open; Giles looked the same I decided once he opened the door. Nothing different about him, same face, hair, glasses and unfortunately, clothes.

"Could we-"

"Of course," Giles stepped out of the way, Angel walked in first. Giles' brow furrowed in confusion, "are you two fighting?" he asked me. I was taken aback and found that my voice didn't work.

"No, we're not fighting." Said Angel from inside the large and expansive house, it was two stories high and had a colonial feel about it. Columns and white wooden panelling. Typical Giles: surrounding himself with old things.

"Good to know, but even if you were, there's a first time for everything." He said smiling, still looking at me.

I found my voice, "why did you think we were fighting?"

"Well, because Angel-"

"I always let you go in first, to anywhere. Old eighteenth century manners." Angel explained.

"Oh." _How romantic._

"Buffy, Angel. What's going on? Why did you have to explain to her what you do every single day?"

"She's not from here, Giles." Said Angel, looking heartbroken, as though he had lost her forever. "This isn't our Buffy, she's from a different world, one where we're not together."

"I see," Giles took off his glasses, cleaned them with his shirt and put them back on. "Buffy, you might want to come in."

I nodded and walked into Giles' house. It was beautiful, and spacious, but at the same time cozy. Giles lead us into what I supposed to be his study; it's basically a room full of books, cabinets and shelves, with a desk, chair and fireplace. But I was happy to find there was a nice comfy lounge to sit on, which I did.

"Now, Angel, would you like something to drink?" offered Giles.

"Already ahead of you there," said Angel, going through Giles' alcohol.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Giles, walking over and taking the bottle of scotch from Angel.

"Yes," Angel took the bottle back. "I think it's a _great_ idea. If you hadn't noticed, Giles, that isn't Buffy! She's gone and right now I want to drown my sorrows."

"Well, I guess I can't stop you." Giles looked over at me, studied me for a moment then took the bottle that Angel was holding and grabbed two glasses; one for Angel and the other for himself. I gulp, _this is so bizarre! Angel, I have never seen drink, Giles I have only seen drink, like, twice…but the two of them drinking together…_

"Are you two finished?"

"Ah, yes. This should be interesting." Giles and Angel sat side by side on the sofa in front of me. I felt like they're going to interrogate me. "You can start now, if you're ready."

"Thanks for the permission," I looked down at my hands, "I don't know what's going on here, but wherever here _is_, I'm not meant to be here. Angel and I aren't together, you two practically can't stand being in the same room and Angel is most definitely _not_ human. I didn't mean for this to happen, I don't know how this happened, but I do want to go home. Your Buffy should be here, not me."

"Why is your, um, world different?" asked Giles.

"How the hell am I supposed to know!" I got to my feet, "I go patrolling, Willow comes along for a chat and then I wake up here, I never went back to the dorm. I just don't remember."

Angel took the bottle of scotch, poured it into his cup and drunk it all. I stared bewildered.

"I don't know if it's just a 'me' thing, but I don't want to see you drinking, never have, never want to." I said like a possessive girlfriend, _which I could have been in different circumstances._ I half wanted to take the bottle from him and drink it myself, _not that I'm a big or even small drinker. I pretty much swore off alcohol after that whole cave-girl thing._ "Listen, how do I get home and you get your Buffy back?"

"I'll start research straight away, we'll call the others and they can help." He sat down his empty glass on the coffee table, "I need to know everything about your life, we need to know where it all changed."

I looked at Angel, his distraught face. His heart being broken by a girl who looks like his…

"I'm sorry, I don't know if I caused this, but I'm sorry anyway. You two are happy and now I'm here-"

"It's not your fault," said Giles.

"Maybe it is, maybe I did or said something that caused this. We need to fix it, I want to go home."

"Question," said Angel, swinging his glass around, Giles forced it from his hand. "If we're not together in your world, what do you have to go back to?"

"Angel, it's none of our business."

"It's okay, I don't really want to go back," I admitted. "We, I mean, you and her seem _so_ happy, god, I remember when just seeing you made me so happy, so imagine how happy I would be if you were human and there was no curse stopping us." Again, tears. "But I don't want you to be unhappy, just the knowledge that somewhere Buffy and Angel are together, it's good, it's enough."

"I'll ring Willow, she can ring Xander. Angel, I want you to go upstairs and rest. I feel an outburst from you coming on."

I watched Giles lead Angel out of the room, I followed and watched as they went up the stairs, and that had to be the weirdest thing I had ever seen.

_**(page break)**_

Giles sat down in his chair with a notebook and a pen in his hands. I shifted uncomfortably; I didn't want to rehash my life, especially the parts with Angel.

"So, you should start at the beginning."

"The _very_ beginning?"

"Yes, from when you were born. Buffy, we have to know the exact moment everything changed. Do you want to wait…?" he asked, leaving the question open.

I shook my head, "let's get this over with. I was born…"

And so it began, the story of my life.

_**(page break)**_

"I'm sorry," said Angel as I finished my story. I wiped the tears from my eyes; he left the doorway and stood next to Giles. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, really not your fault. Not anyone's."

"It was me turning human, wasn't it?"

"Yes," answered Giles, taking off his glasses. "That seems to be the moment of…the diverge. For this reality, anyway."

"Wow, it changed so much."

"Not necessarily, as Buffy explained, there is most probably a timeline where she never returned to Sunnydale after sending that Angel to hell, one where he never came back, one where the First succeeded in getting him to kill himself, one where-"

"I get it." Angel sat back down into the sofa. It took every bit of will power not to leap from the armchair and fling my arms around him. _I'm not seeing an Angel I have technically never met, I am seeing Angel, the person, the soul and even though I'm with Riley, I haven't stopped loving Angel. I miss him everyday, it hurts everyday but I have to deal with it. But now that he's sitting right there – human – I've never felt so powerless._

"What happens now?" I asked. "What do I do?"

"I suspect," Giles looked at Angel, who was staring at the ceiling. "That it would be better if you didn't stay at your place-"

"Why not?"

"You, ah, live with Angel."

"What? I just thought I had some clothes at the mansion. We – I mean, they – live together?"

"Yeah, have since you graduated from high school," said Angel, still staring at nothing. "She moved in that night."

My heart filled with pain. _It was the night he left me. Don't think about it._

"Oh, so where will I stay? With mom?"

"That might not be a good idea-"

"Why?" I asked interrupting Giles, worried as all hell. "She's okay, right?"

"She's fine," Giles goes on, "but it could be confusing for her, that's all. You can't stay with Willow and Cordelia, unless you want to sleep on the floor-"

"Sorry, did you say _Willow and Cordelia_, they live together?"

"Yes, at the dormitory at Sunnydale College. You were going to house there, but then you moved in with Angel…I mean, you didn't, the other Buffy did. I'm sorry, but-"

"It's okay, you can keep saying: 'you'."

"No, you can't!" cried Angel, "it's not her! You don't get to pretend this is your life just because yours seems so crappy!"

"Angel, I didn't-"

"Don't say my name like that! No one gets to say my name like she does! I want you to go away, you're not her. I don't love you, go away and leave me alone! Leave us, get out of this world. You don't belong here!"

"Angel, stop it!" I yelled; Giles made a move towards me. I got out of the armchair and ran out the front door and into a Sunnydale I knew nothing about.

_**(page break)**_

I was halfway down the street when I realised that Angel wasn't following, it broke my heart even more. _This world is so…_

I screamed and kicked a nearby letterbox; I cringed as the top falls to the ground in bits and pieces, and then continued walking. I felt bad, I should write them a note or something, but I had no money and couldn't pay for the damages. Guilt filled me and I took off running at top Slayer-speeds.

I ran, and ran…I couldn't stop. My body was telling me to rest and my muscles were aching. _But I can't – I won't stop. Maybe I can run until I've ran into my own world, I don't want to be here anymore. I didn't do anything wrong, I don't remember!_

I ran past houses, buildings, I ran on the streets, the footpaths, through parks and graveyards…I didn't stop until I couldn't go any further. _Do you know what happens to a Slayer who can't go any further? It doesn't matter that she is the Vampire Slayer, the same thing happens to her that happens to normal, everyday people: she falls._


	3. Part Two

**AN: **Okay, I got a lot of 'Angel is mean' responses to the last chapter. Don't worry he was just trying to deal. Sometimes I get sick of a compliant 'yes-man' Angel. This one has been human for two years, living like a normal person, doing normal things; he isn't the same guy we have in canon. Angel isn't going to be harsh, maybe just a little, but so is Buffy. There's an angsty road ahead. Thanks, Maddy.

**PART TWO: **

"…You didn't have to yell like that."

"Oh, no you don't. This," a pause. "Is not my fault. I didn't ask for her to bolt from the house-"

"No, she'd stay there listening to the man she loves yell at her, saying that he wished she'd leave…that he doesn't love her."

"She's not my Buffy, I don't love her. I can't. She's not mine."

A sigh. "But she loves you. She doesn't see another world's Angel, she is seeing hers. The one _she_ loves. You made her run, Angel. You made her fall."

"You always do." I said, as I opened my eyes and found that I was lying flat on my back. Giles was standing over me, smiling. I couldn't see Angel, where was he? I know I heard him speak. I lifted my head, tears filled my eyes. Angel was sitting by my legs, holding a hand towel in his hands. He looked away, and then placed the hand towel on my forehead. It was wet and cold, he moved the towel about my forehead, so loving and caring. I felt like screaming at the injustice. _I can't have this._ "Thanks, you don't have to."

"I kind of do."

"Still have guilt issues, I see. Some things don't change."

"Buffy," said Giles. "Do you feel like any food? You must be exhausted and I feel like some dinner, how about you, Angel?"

"Dinner?" I asked, taking the towel from head and trying to sit up. Angel pushed me onto my back and put the towel back onto my head. "Quit it."

"No, you're going to rest."

"Slayer, remember?"

"I don't care, you collapsed in the middle of Restfield. You're lucky I found you."

"You're only saying that. You'd find me anywhere."

"Even if I was blind."

I swallowed and wanted to kiss him so badly, "Giles, you said something about dinner?" I said, changing the subject and the person I was talking to. "What time is it?"

"9:14."

"Oh, I was asleep for ages."

"11 hours, 37 minutes." Said Angel, he shrugged when I gave him a weird look. "Hey, I was worried."

"I appreciate it, but…"

"I'm sorry, more sorry than I'll ever be able to say. I don't want to make excuses, but this is a _little_ hard for me."

"Only a little, huh?"

"I adjust easy."

"Are you two quite finished, or should I come back later?" snapped Giles. "If you want something, Buffy, I could whip something up. We haven't eaten-"

"What about the Gang," I said, suddenly remembering they were going to be rung. "Did you tell them what happened?"

"Yes, we did."

"Xander thought it was the funniest thing ever and starting poking your arm while you were out." Explained Angel. "I hit him."

"Not too hard I hope." Said Giles, "When did that happen?"

"When you were talking to Willow."

"Ah." Was all Giles said, but I knew there was more to it than just 'oh, yes. I remember that.'

"What was up with Willow?" I asked.

"She didn't take the news very well. It's nothing to worry about, Willow just has to deal with it so she and the rest of us can find a way to get you back."

"And your Buffy here." I added, "it would be weird if we were in the same place at the same time."

"Yes, very confusing. Do you want something to eat?"

"Yes, I'd like that. Not sure if I'll be able to keep it down, but you don't know until you try." Giles paled, hesitated before walking towards the door. I laughed, "I'm only joking. No vomiting, promise."

Angel removed the towel from my forehead, put the back of his hand against my skin, left it there for a moment then took it off. "No temperature, we were afraid you might have gotten sick. I waited too long to go out after you, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. I understand that you feel weirded out by me being here. I'm weirded out too."

"I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I shouldn't have said those things."

"What, like you didn't love me?" I asked grinning, Angel looked away. I sat up, my muscles ached. "It hurt that you said that, I only saw Angel saying that he didn't love me. I didn't see _you_ saying it. I'm the one who shouldn't have reacted the way I did."

"No, it's my fault."

"It's both your fault." Said Giles from the doorway, it seems he hadn't left yet. "You both need to deal with your guilt issues. It's always the same with you two."

"It is not, she's not even from here," said Angel in mock defensiveness. "Do you want any help with dinner?"

"No, I'll manage. Angel, maybe you could get some clothes for Buffy."

"Um, why?"

"Because she's staying here for the night."

"I am, oh, that's right." I said remembering, "'Cause it'll be weird. There's a lot of that going around."

"Giles, I think it'll be okay if Buffy stayed at the mansion with me. There is three other rooms made up, she can stay in one of those."

Giles came back into the room. "Are you sure that's wise?"

"Giles, I don't mind." I said.

"It's not that, you don't belong here, Buffy. We need to send you home, set this right. If you see what this world is like, it'll be harder when you have to leave."

I was about to say something back when, bam! I let out a scream as a rush of sound and images filled my head…

_"Angel," I said, pointing at the shelf. We were decorating the guest bedroom, well the first guest bedroom. We were fitting out three guest bedrooms in total. "Could you move it over a bit, we still need to fit in the table for the fishbowl and the painting above it."_

_"Honey, we are not getting a fish."_

_I pouted, Angel quickly looked away. "Come on, one little fish in a little fish bowl, you know, one of those really clichéd bowls that everyone seems to have."_

_"No pets, we don't have time to look after them." Angel seemed to be very interested in the wallpaper, which in my opinion isn't very interesting. It's a cream colour; Angel's reasoning for choosing something boring was that it suited everyone and everything. That's hard to argue with, but it doesn't change the fact that it's boring. My mom suggested that we hang things on the walls to take the focus off the wallpaper, that's what we did._

_"Oh, come on. One pet for two people, it's a good idea."_

_"No pets."_

_"Why not?"_

_"I only asked you to move in 3 weeks ago and you're already-"_

_"Making this my home?"_

_"Yes, I'm getting-"_

_"You're not going to change your mind are you?" 'Cause I swear that if you are, no sex for a month."_

_"No, I'm not changing my mind. But I am getting stressed, I've never had to deal with girlfriends moving in before."_

_"I should hope-"_

"Buffy? Buffy, snap out of it!"

"Giles, ring someone."

"Who?"

"I don't know, anyone, what's happening to her?"

Suddenly I could see again, Angel was by my side, holding me upright. Giles was kneeling next to him.

"Oh, thank god you're okay." Said Giles, smiling.

"Are you okay?" asked Angel, looking very concerned.

"I'm fine."

"What happened?" asked Giles

"I remembered."

* * *

I sat in the lounge again, staring at my hands. They are just as I remember them. Remember…Giles and Angel are outside the room talking about me. They are trying to be as quiet as possible, but I can hear them.

"I don't understand how this happened." Said Giles.

"She's not supposed to remember, they're different people. This Buffy is here and our Buffy is there. That's what's going on, isn't it?"

"We can't be sure about that anymore. It's possible that they've-"

"No! They are not sharing a body. How is that even possible? How do I get my Buffy back?"

Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. Now isn't the time to cry, I have to be strong and keep it together…so I can go home. Giles is right, the more I'm here and the more I see, the less I want to go home. If I could have my way, I'd stay here forever.

"Buffy, there is something that you need to know." Said Giles seriously as he and Angel walked back in. Oh god, what now? He reached for a photo frame on his desk and handed it to me.

I nearly dropped it from shock, "But…she's dead. Angelus killed her."

"Not in this world he didn't. Jenny and I are married, Jenny's two months pregnant, we only found out last week, of course you know…well, not anymore."

The photo was of Giles and Jenny at their wedding day, he looked quite handsome, but Jenny looked beautiful. She's alive, they're married and starting a family. Although the thought of him and Jenny – ew! Don't go there.

"You're gonna have a child?" I asked, wiping away the tears. "Giles, this is…I'm so happy for you. Married, a father, wow." I reached out and gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Buffy." He pulled away. "Buffy, do you want to go back to the mansion?"

"You mean, we don't have anything else to talk about, you know, about me remembering things I shouldn't?"

"It won't be any different in the morning, unless by some miracle the spell is reversed. You should rest, we all should and tomorrow you can meet the others."

"Sure. If it's okay you with, Angel."

"It is." He said softly, not looking me in the eyes. My heart felt a pang, he doesn't want me there to complicate things, but he knows I'll feel better in the mansion than in Giles and Jenny's house. Wow, I think it's going to take a while for me to adjust to that news. I wonder where she is.

"Okay, you should get going." Giles walked over to the front door, opened it and waited for Angel and I to join him. Once we were all standing near the threshold, Giles spoke again:

"Call me if anything else comes up," he said to Angel, then directed his attention at me. "Including if you remember things you shouldn't."

"I will. Oh, where is Jenny? Is she hiding away somewhere?"

"No, she's gone to see her family, give them the good news." He smiled fondly.

"Oh, I might never get to see her again."

"It'll be okay. I'll ring her and see if she can get home early."

"I'd like that."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Giles, waving us off. I waved back.

"We'll come over after breakfast." Said Angel, holding the door open for me. Maybe he won't hate me for this, after all. I smiled at him as I walked through the doorway.

Angel unlocked the front door of the mansion, opened it, let me walk in first and locked it behind us. I turned on the light, Angel's eyes widened.

"No, it's not a memory. I remember it from my world, the light-switch positions haven't changed."

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"What about?"

"I don't know, for not remembering or for remembering anything in the first place."

"It's not your fault."

"Do you believe that, or are you just saying it to make both of us feel better?"

Angel didn't answer; he took off his duster and put in on the coat hanger by the door. I turned away, and then thought better of it.

"Can you take me to a room, I'm tired."

"Sure."

Angel led the way up the stairs and to the right, we passed two doors on the right hand side of the hallway, at the third Angel opened the door, turned on the light before stepping out of the way. I walked into a beautiful room, the cream wallpaper was in this room too, but I know that this isn't the room where my flashback was placed. A double bed was pushed against the far wall, two bedside tables on either side, a wardrobe and tallboy were opposite the bed, a large ornate mirror was near the double pane window. It was cozy and comfortable; I felt a twinge that I knew this room. Don't remember anything, please don't.

"Well, you can stay here. It's the best room besides the master. You make yourself comfortable, I'll be back with a pair of pyjamas." He left quickly, I didn't move from my spot until he returned.

"Here you go." Angel handed me a pair of pyjamas I didn't recognize. I was glad.

"Thanks."

"If you need anything I'll be at the other end-"

"I know where your room is."

"Right. I'll see you in the morning." He was nearly out of the room, before I turned to face him.

"Angel, will this be the first time you haven't shared a bed with her since she moved in?"

"Yeah. 8 months of sleeping next to her is something you get used to."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Just get some sleep."

"Goodnight."

He hesitated before saying it back. "Goodnight, Buffy." He closed the door as he left, I walked to the bed, ran my hand over the covers. The pyjamas in my hands fell to the floor when I saw the photo frame on the far bedside table.

It was Angel and I – I mean, Angel and Buffy – it was a photo of them at the beach, laughing, looking sublimely happy. I walked around the bed and picked up the frame, traced the outline of Angel's face and put it back down. It's not fair that I get to see this.

I then saw another door; curiously I went and opened it. Inside was an ensuite.

"Nice." I went back and got my pj's. The ensuite has a shower, a bath and toilet and sink. I decided on a shower, there was a panic moment, but there were two towels and some soap and shampoo.

Thirty minutes later my head hit the pillow.

* * *

_"I was dreaming."_

_"About what?"_

_"About us." I answered turning over onto my stomach, Angel's arm fell across my back, and he tightened his hold on me._

_"Well, what happened?"_

_"Nothing, we were just very, very happy."_

_"Oh, it that all."_

_I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was grinning like that freaky cat off Alice in Wonderland. That made me smile like the freaky cat too._

_"Angel, are you sure you want to get married?"_

_"I wouldn't have taken you to a picnic at the beach and proposed to you if I didn't mean it. It took me ages getting that food together."_

_"Hardy, har, har."_

_"I love you, you know that. I don't want to think about the rest of my life if you're not in it."_

_"I know the feeling." I moved up and put my head on his chest, thump, thump, thump. "It's a good sound. I'll never get sick of hearing it."_

_"Me either."_

_"Happy anniversary, sweetie. Two years of being human."_

_"Best two years ever."_

_"I love you, so much." I kissed him on the lips for only a moment, knowing that it would annoy him. "Goodnight."_

_"What, you've got to be kidding me. Come here."_

_I laughed as he pulled my lips towards his, again and again.

* * *

_

I woke screaming, oh, god. They're getting married. I sat up, turned on the lamp just as Angel came tearing into the room.

"Are you okay?" he rushed at the bed, I positioned the blanket around me, I was fully clothed but it made me feel better. "What happened?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Why did you scream?" He sat along side and reached out to touch my arm, I felt his warm skin on mine. I moved away. "Buffy, speak to me."

"Married." I said so softly that Angel couldn't hear.

"Sorry, Buffy, please speak to me."

"Married. You're getting married! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, but Giles and I talked about it while you were unconscious, that it would be better for everyone if we-"

"Didn't say anything? I remember, not you proposing at the beach, but later that day, at night. That's when the photo was taken wasn't it?" I said gesturing towards the bedside table.

"Yes, we had a tourist take it for us. The Gang wasn't there that day, one of the only days were we didn't see them. It was a nice break from Xander."

"You proposed on my birthday."

"Yeah, it seemed the perfect day." He said shrugging.

"It was."

"But I have no ring." I said showing my hand, which was very ring-less.

"Demon guts got the ring dirty. We took it to the jewellers two days ago, it should be ready the day after tomorrow."

"Oh. I want to go back to sleep."

Angel nodded. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm sure. You don't want to be around me, and it's confusing if I'm around you. The less time we spend together the better."

"For who, Buffy?"

"Both of us."

"Sure, whatever." He got off the bed; it was then that I noticed he was shirtless. Damn it!

"Angel…wait."

"Goodnight, Buffy." He closed the door as I burst into tears. I curled up in the bed sobbing, within seconds I felt Angel lie next to me. "I'm so sorry…" he pulled my small body towards him, I let him. "Please, don't cry." I rolled over as Angel put his arms out to hold me, after sliding into his embrace I buried my face in his chest, still crying. This isn't fair! Haven't we been through enough? Why did this have to happen? "I'm so sorry, Buffy." He said again, soothingly rubbing my back. "I've been…selfishly thinking about myself, you're hurting too. Our life has been perfect, you get used to hardly ever being in danger, having a life together. It was perfect, but you're still Buffy, it shouldn't matter if you're not from here. Forgive me?"

"Y-yes."

"Oh, love, please don't cry."

That only made me cry more.

TBC…

Next part should be up in two weeks or so. Hope you had fun reading this part, you know what to do…read and review. Love, Maddy


	4. Part Three

**PART THREE**

"Buffy, wake up."

"Go away, I'm sleeping."

"Buffy, Giles is here. Well everyone is, we found some answers."

That woke me up. Angel was kneeling next to the bed.

"Giles is here?" I asked sitting up.

"Yeah, and Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Oz."

"Oz? He left didn't he? Oh, no, wait…wrong world." I mumbled, I looked at the digital alarm clock, it read: 5:46. "In the morning?"

"Yeah, I rang Giles after you remembered getting engaged. He ordered an immediate Scooby meeting. We left you to sleep, though. Hope you don't mind."

"No, it's okay. I value sleep very highly."

"Get dressed and come downstairs, everyone's in the living room."

**(page break)**

I couldn't hear anyone talking as I walked down the marble stairs. I wanted to turn and run away, but I know what will happen if I do that again.

"Buffy," said Angel getting up from lounge, I could see everyone know. Willow was sitting close to Oz, Xander was sitting next to Oz and Cordy was sitting on Xander's lap. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen. "How are you feeling?"

"Same old." I answered, what does that even mean? "So, what are these answers?"

"Well, we don't have any yet." Answered Giles coming out of the kitchen carrying a tray with a teapot and seven cups, with teaspoons, sugar and milk. "But we do know where and how to find them."

"That's good." I said. "Right?"

"Yes and no. It's risky-"

"I don't care, none of you do either. You just want to fix it, like I do."

"Buffy, no need to be so harsh." Warned Giles.

I nodded. "So what is it?" I felt extremely uncomfortable; the others were starring at me with bewilderment. I felt something in me snap, "we don't look different, so you can stop staring."

"Well,-"

"Um-"

"Sorry-"

"God, don't be a bitch."

"Buffy, calm down." Said Angel walking over to me, and taking my hand. I wanted to pull it free, but found that I couldn't, not because Angel's grip was too firm, but because I wanted him to touch me. "Come and sit."

"Okay."

He led me to the lounge, I sat down and he sat beside me, no longer touching me, but it was nice that he was closer then he had been throughout this whole ordeal.

"Hi, Buffy." Greeted Willow, smiling sadly. "I'm-"

"I know who you are. I know who all of you are." I explained. "No intro's necessary."

"Cool, you look the same. Doesn't she look the exact same?"

"There are some differences." Said Angel, my eyes widened, as did most of the others.

"And how would you know that?" Xander accused.

"Xander, stop it." Hushed Cordy.

"No, I want to know."

"So do I." Seconded Willow.

"She has a scar on her neck, a-"

"Vampire bite." I finished. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But I want-"

"Xander, it is not your business!" Giles said loudly. Xander nodded and didn't say anything else. "Now, the reason that we are here is because somehow two Buffy have switched places…but I don't think it's that simple." He turned his face towards me. "I think the two Buffy's are in the same body, you've-"

"What? We've smooshed together! I can't be two people, Giles."

"You're not, you are one person. We know that the only differences between our worlds is that Angel is human, which altered the timeline dramatically."

"Yeah, none of you guys are together." I said waving my hand at the two couples in front of me.

"But everything before Buffy's seventeenth birthday is the same, it's just the two and a bit years after that are different. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, go on."

"We found someone, or something, that can help us. They are on the side of good, but it's still-"

"Risky."

"Yes, they are known as the Oracles, a sort of conduit between the mortals and the higher beings, they may have some answers and might fix this whole thing."

"Good," I stood up, "so, what are we waiting for? I say we get this over and done with."

"I agree." Giles relaxed and sat on the arm of the lounge opposite Angel and I.

"So, when can I leave?"

"I'll come with you in case you need backup." Offered Angel.

"Okay. Giles, so where do we go?"

"Los Angeles."

**(page break)**

"I don't want to be in a room with them for, well, ever."

"They're not that bad, Buffy."

"Are you kidding? They hate me, or think I'm some abomination. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know you didn't, but it's happened so we're going to fix it."

I stopped walking, Angel turned, his face asking me if everything was okay.

"I'm fine." I lied unconvincingly. "I am not fine, but-"

"Don't worry about it now, we have a post office to find." He said half-smiling. I want to die, or kiss him, kissing would be better. The whole dieing thing, been there done that.

"Okay."

We began walking again, Angel's duster flapping in the wind, while I had pulled my jacket tight around me. It wasn't cold, but it made me feel safer.

The drive here had been a total bore. We didn't speak a word to each other for nearly two hours; we didn't talk about my little crying session last night, or the fact that he spent the night with me, or that he called me 'love.' Nope, we didn't say a word about it. I wanted to, but did he? I don't feel as connected to this Angel, not having a connection with even an alternate Angel is killing me.

"Here we are."

Finally.

It was a regular post office, but we weren't going inside it, we were going underneath it. I hate the sewers.

**(page break)**

The room was small and lined with marble, or is it limestone? I gave myself a shake, it doesn't really matter. There was a large archway, but no way of going through it; it looked as though it had been blocked up. Near the archway-to-nowhere, was a small pedestal with a bowl.

"Okay, this is it. Well, I hope it is, 'cause if it wasn't the owners must be really weird."

Angel smiled as he pulled out the pretty amulet we were giving them as an offering. "I can't come with you."

"What? No, you have to."

"I can't, you're the one who wants the answers."

"No, you do too."

"Not according to whoever's in there. Giles explained to me that it's about you, not the rest of us."

"Giles, why didn't he tell me this?"

"I don't know, ask him when we get back."

"You mean if we get back, I'm really not liking this."

"It'll be okay, just be Buffy."

"Easier said than done, I don't know who I am."

Angel sighed, and took my hands in his; I wanted him to kiss me. "You are you, Buffy Summers. Nothing could change that."

"Thanks."

"Okay, here we go." Angel pulled out some smelly herbs from his pocket, put them in the bowl – no, wait. It's an urn. My bad. '"We beseech access to the knowing ones.'" He then pulled out a lighter and the herbs set alight with high flames.

The archway filled with a brilliant white light, oh, crap. I gave Angel a smile and walked through the light hoping to be intact on the other side.

**(page break)**

The room was large and made of the same stone as the entry, there was some kind of light that changed colours bouncing off the walls, in the centre of the room stood two people; one female, the other male. But I know they're not people, they just look like it. Except for the ancient Greek wardrobe and the gold skin, they'd look totally normal.

"What have you brought us?" the female said.

"Oh, this." I held out my hand and the amulet whisked through the air and into the hands of the female.

"Very nice. Why are you here?"

"I've come for answers, you see I'm not meant to be here."

"She is the one." Said the male. "The one who crossed the worlds."

"Yeah, my name is Buffy-"

"Your name is important to you, yes?" asked the female.

"Yes, it's who I am. Buffy. Look, I just want some answers-"

"You did this." Said the male. "Your wish made this happen."

"I made a wish, I don't remember that."

"No, you don't because the time surrounding the wish has been wiped from your memory, to protect you from the cross-over itself. It can sometimes be quite horrific." Explained the female, I think I like her more. "You want to get back to your world, don't you?"

"Yes, can you help me?"

"No," said the male. Definitely like the girl more. "You have to choose. The two Buffy's are now one; you have to choose which world you reside in. The wish cannot be reversed, it was meant to be."

"Choose wisely. We will grant you your memories that have been lost, once you have returned to the Hellmouth. Then choose, you will know when you are ready. You need not return."

"Wait, that's it?"

"Yes." asked the male.

"You have been given a chance to be happy, to have what you want, of course nothing comes without a price. You will be called to sacrifice something no matter what you choose."

I was flown backwards and into Angel's arms. The force knocked us to the ground; I quickly untangled myself from Angel.

"Did it work?" he asked, also getting to his feet.

"Yeah, it did."

"But you just went in."

"Really? Wow, that's nifty."

"Did you find out anything?"

"Yeah, but it's not exactly good news."

"Oh." He said, turning away from me. "We should get going. Giles will want to know about this."

"Angel!" I called after him as he began walking up the stairs, he stopped and turned. "We're the same person and I have to choose which world I want to stay in. The Oracles are-"

"Okay, lets go."

"Angel, don't walk away from me." I went forward and grabbed his arm. "I need you to be on my side, I'm Buffy, you're Buffy. It seems that I always was."

"I know, I could feel it. I knew that you were my Buffy, but at the same time you weren't. I'm sorry, now I only see you. You're all I ever saw."

"Wow, I don't know what to say. This is weird for me, I think we should go now before I – or you – say something that's not ready to be heard."

I walked past Angel before I slammed him against the wall and tried to have my way with him. I know I blushed and I swore Angel saw it.

**(page break)**

"Buffy…" he said my name again. He's been saying it for the entire trip, each time he said it I'd look out the window, he'd give up speaking to me for a while then say my name again.

"Come on, we're nearly there. Will you just say something?"

"Oh, god."

"Well, that's – what's wrong?"

"The Oracles said that I'd get my memories back when we get to Sunnydale."

"Does that mean when we cross the border, you'll be…"

"I guess and we're about to get within city limits."

"Okay, here's the plan. As soon as we get in Sunnydale, I'll stop the car."

"Okay," I seem to be saying that a lot, or 'sure,' it's getting old. Everyone's been saying it, I guess it's the thing you say when you don't know what to say.

We crossed the invisible line that was the border around Sunnydale, I screamed as the memories and the pain flooded my mind. Angel yelled my name and I felt the car stop, but after that…

**(page break)**

"Buffy, Buffy wake up."

Arms reached for me and shook me awake.

"What is it? Is something wrong? Oh, god is it the Judge?"

"No, hon – Buffy – I'm human."

"Human!"

**(page break)**

"Mom, this is my boyfriend, Angel."

"Ah, it's about time you've let me meet him, Buffy. I was beginning to think you'd made him up."

"As if I could make up something so perfect."

Joyce laughed, "God, you are in love, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I really am. I want you to like him, Mom. It's important to both of us."

"I'll try my best, but he is corrupting my only child."

"He is not. He loves art and old stuff, so you should be able to talk about something."

"Art?"

**(page break)**

Knock, knock, knock!

"Who is it?"

"Buffy."

The door swung open, Angel stood fully clothed. Such a shame. He smiled widely at me. I smiled widely back, he went to kiss me, but I held up the box I was holding.

"We have to move you into the mansion, the lease for this place runs out in 2 days. No kissing till then."

"Liar."

"No, I'm not lying. I won't be able to stick to it, but I'm not lying."

"Come on, give me the box." Angel stuck out his hand, I gave him the box, then bent down to get the other one I had dropped outside the apartment. "Another one?"

"It's the only boxes in the house I could find. Willow and Xander are on their way with more boxes."

"Xander?"

"God, you are such a baby. You know it is your fault, how can you no boxes at all?"

"I just don't, I've never had many possessions, hence: no boxes."

"It's okay, I forgive you. But you will have to deal with Xander, I'm not sending him away."

"I know he's trying to get along with me, so I'll be nice."

"Good. A nice Angel is an Angel who gets a special something once we're alone."

"Oh, I'll be extra nice then."

I grinned, as did Angel. I went to kiss him, but the box got in the way.

**(page break)**

"I'm scared to tell her."

"Don't be. You're a grown woman, Buffy. It's your choice."

"I know it is, but I'm still scared of what she'll say."

"You're eighteen, and you're legally allowed to move out of home."

"Angel, honey, sweetie, calm down. Nothing will stop me from moving in with you."

Angel pulled me into his arms and kissed my crown. "I love you, nothing will change that."

"I love you more."

"I don't think so." Angel laughed and pulled my lips towards his.

"We should go inside, Mom is waiting for us."

"Yes, we should. But I want to do this some more."

**(page break)**

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, honey. How are you?"

"I'm great. You?"

"Good. What's put you in such a good mood?"

"I'm normally in a good mood."

"Okay, so why did you ring?"

"I'm inviting you over for dinner, how does 6:30 sound?"

"It sounds great. I'll see you later."

"Thanks, mom. Bye."

"Bye, sweeting."

I hung up the phone.

"What did she say?" asked Angel next to me.

"It's a 'yes' from mom."

"Cool, now the others. Let's hope they can all come over tonight."

"Yeah," I agreed, punching in Giles' phone-number – which I now know off-by-heart, scary. "I want to tell them all together that we're getting married."

**(page break)**

"Peanut butter, preferably crunchy." I called out to Angel as he rummaged around in the refrigerator.

"Got it." He came walking back into his room, fully naked, carrying food for us to eat, and maybe to do other things with. Yummy. He slid into bed and I moved closer to him.

We smiled as we fed each other food, peanut-butter-covered-chocolate. Extra yummy.

"God, I love food."

"Food is good." I smiled.

"How come you never told me about chocolate and peanut butter?"

**(page break)**

"Oh, god."

"Buffy?"

"I'm okay. I remember everything."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, all of it." I burst into tears. All of it. I wasn't meant to remember all of it, I know I wasn't meant to ever remember that day in LA, but I do. It's the best day I've ever experienced, but it didn't happen in this world, it happened in the other one. The other one, it's my world, not some other one. It's my world with my Angel. Oh, god. Angel.

"Hey, come here." he pulled me into his arms and I wanted so badly for it to make me feel better, but it didn't.

TBC…  
Hope you liked this part. I don't know when I'm going to update, love, Maddy.


	5. Part Four

**PART FOUR:**

Angel held me as I cried out all of my…I don't know, sadness, frustration, anger, betrayal, heartache, happiness, hope. I know many of those feelings contradict each other, but memories are like that, life is like that. I'm remembering everything, so I'm experiencing everything at the same time. It's making me head hurt.

I don't feel like two different people, but since it's your past that makes you who you are, I guess I am two different people. My head hasn't adjusted yet, but one thing I'm quite clear on is that I have a decision to make. And to be honest, I don't know what world to choose.

"I'm okay," I said through my tears.

"No, you're not."

"I'm okay enough for you to drive us home."

He pulled away to talk face to face. "Are you sure, 'cause the Gang might still be there? And that option will include a lot of questions and some 'oh, my's' from Giles."

"I'm sure. I just want to rest, take some R and R. I have some deciding to do."

Angel's face filled with confusion. "What do you mean 'some deciding to so'? There's nothing to – you're not thinking about leaving this world are you?"

"I can't just abandon the other one without a single thought. It's my home too. I know you hate it, I hate that I have to choose-"

"But we're together here. Why would you want to go back to a world where we're not together?"

"Because I love him. I love my mom, and Willow, Xander and Giles. I still have responsibilities of looking after them and that world. With Faith in a coma, they have no Slayer, at least-"

"Who's Faith?"

"Right, um. Kendra died in the other world nearly two years ago. Faith's her replacement."

"Wow, really? Kendra would love to hear about that."

"See, this world already has a protector, the other one doesn't-"

"So you're going to leave, leave me, because of that?"

"I never said that!" I sank into my seat and crossed my arms over my chest. "I half want an Angel that isn't so vocal about what he wants."

"This is pretty big, I'm going to be as vocal as I want."

"With both sets of memories, the biggest difference between the worlds is you two. You're open, relaxed and aren't as noble as the other Angel."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's none of your business."

"That's something you would never say to me."

"I'm not the same person, Angel." I said softly. "There are things I will never tell you. There are things you've never told me. Deal with it. If you can't, it won't be as hard making up my mind."

"You are not basing this on me."

"Of course, I am!" I yelled. "You're the deciding factor, what else do you think I'd base it on? Do I want to go to a world were I can't be with an Angel, hell no. But I love him so much, I love him like I love you." That's a lie though, I love the Angel in the other world more, for giving up the one thing he's wanted so that I could live. "I have to think this through, but if you're going to be selfish about it, then remember I have an Angel I can compare you to."

"This is unbelievable, bloody unbelievable." Angel muttered to himself as he started up the car. I felt bad for my outburst, but he has to know this is very difficult for me. I love him, of course I do. But I have to sacrifice Angel, one of them. It'll be like letting one die, I don't have enough strength for that.

When Angel didn't wait for me to walk through the door first I wanted to backhand him. Hard. Giles greeted me as I walked into the mansion and immediately asked if Angel and I were fighting.

"I love you, Giles. Thanks for caring."

"Well, I ah…I love you also, Buffy. What's wrong?"

"Why does something have to be wrong?"

"It doesn't, but with the present circumstances-"

"Odds are something is wrong. Well, I should have placed a bet, 'cause they were good odds." I walked over to the unoccupied lounge, the other Xander and Cordy were asleep on. Such a wonderful site. I collapsed onto the lounge and got comfy. "Where did Angel go?"

"Upstairs." Said Giles, taking off his glasses, then rubbing then clean on his shirt. I smile at how normal and familiar that is. It happens in both worlds.

"Oh, okay. Where's Willow and Oz?"

"Willow went to the dorm to get some homework, and Oz is at band practise. We insisted that he go-"

"Or else Devon will throw him out of the band. I remember having that consoling talk with Will."

"You do?"

"Yeah, those Oracles gave me my memories back-"

"That's wonderful."

"But now I have to choose."

Giles' face lit up in realisation. "And you're torn between the worlds and Angel's angry that you would even consider leaving here."

"Got it in one." I put my head in my hands. "Oh, god. What'll I do Giles?" I looked back up. "If I go, Angel will hate me and mourn me forever, but if I stay here I can't get word to the other world that I'm okay, that I love them, I'll never see them again. But if I go, I'll never see you guys again either. This sucks big time."

"You'll make the right choice." He said trying to assure me that it's true.

"No matter what I choose, one world will no longer have a 'Buffy,' it would be like I died. Maybe it would be better if I did."

"Never think that. Both worlds deserve you, need you. But maybe you should think about what you deserve, what you need."

"Take the selfish road, I don't know about that Giles."

"Like you said, you'd still be losing something."

"Yeah, maybe. I'm tired. Getting up at 6am will do that to a person. I'll be in the 2nd bedroom if you need me."

"Not going to try and reconcile with Angel?"

"Nah," I got to my feet. "We both need to cool off, him more than me. We'll talk later today."

"Have a nice sleep."

I called out to Angel, he didn't seem to listen. I called him name again, he didn't respond, just kept walking away from me. I screamed his name over and over. I began running after him. But no matter how hard or fast I ran I couldn't catch up.

Oh, god. Angel.

Suddenly there were two of them. Which do I go after? I looked frantically from side to side, trying to decide. Is one not real; is one evil and the other good? What should I do?

I don't know what to do!

The ground beneath me opened up and swallowed me whole. I screamed out Angel's name as I fell into oblivion.

Bam!

I bolted awake. Just a dream, a crappy-normal-the-subconscious-is-only-trying-to-deal dream. But what's scarier, a dream that's prophetic, or a freaky one that came from my head?

I looked at the alarm clock. 12:47. I had only been asleep for an hour and a half. I sunk back into the bed and tired to fall back to sleep. Ten minutes later I was still lying here with my eyes closed so I rolled off the bed, went to the every handy ensuite, brushed my hair and teeth, got changed out of the pj's and into some going-out-in-public clothing, fixed the make-up, then made my way slowly downstairs, dreading what I would meet.

But I'm starving.

"Hi, guys." I greeted everyone as I walked past. It looks as though I had interrupted a meeting; all six were looking quite serious. "Continue the Buffy-doesn't-get-invited meeting, I'm only getting something to eat."

Giles looked flustered and guilty. It's funny, really, it is. Willow opens her mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. Oz just looks mildly interesting and is observing everyone's else reactions. Xander looks around to room, trying to look innocent. But, Cordy is being Cordy. She smiled at me, "hey, Buffy. You are Buffy, right? They keep saying that you're now two people, wow, talk about confusing."

"Thanks, Cordy. As strange as this sounds to me, you're a breath of fresh air. You remind me of Anya, who was, you know, annoying as all hell, but at least she said what she wanted."

"Who?" a few asked.

"Don't worry, other world. You're going to have to get used to that."

"Wonderful." Mumbled Xander.

"Xander, please be quiet." Ordered Giles, "I'm sorry we didn't alert you that this meeting was taking place. But I felt you needed your rest-"

"I'm the Slayer, Giles. Ask me first, wake me up. I promise to not kill you." I turned to the rest," I get that you don't want to trust me, include me or even talk to me. But I am the Slayer, the boss of the white-hats, I may be two people now, but I'm also two Slayers. I've seen more than you guys, faced more, done…things I am not proud of and might never tell you about. I don't want to talk about the other world. If you really want to know something ask Giles or Angel, I gave them an abridged version of the last two years." I saw Giles' and Angel's shocked faces, I couldn't tell them everything. I didn't have the strength to relive it, I didn't tell them any feelings, I didn't say anything about Parker or Riley, there are some things you can't say to the person you love, the fact that you've slept with two other people is one of them. I don't know if I will ever tell them. "So ask away, but don't expect answers. You wouldn't understand."

It seems as though I had stunned them into silence, even Cordelia, which pleased me a bit.

"Well, that was…bracing." Said Oz. "What now?"

I didn't expect him to speak, neither did anyone else.

"I-I'm not sure." Admitted Giles, I agreed, what was going to happen now? Do I pretend that I'm from somewhere else, or at least half of me is…the more I think about it the more I get muddled up. From now on, no thinking about it. No talking about it. "I suppose we could-"

"Go around pretending that none of this happened?" asked Angel.

"I never said that, Angel."

"It's a good idea." I spoke up.

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you mad?"

"We can't pretend nothing happened?"

"Yes, we can!" I yelled, "we have to or we'll go crazy. I don't want to think about it, okay, I want to go on with my life-"

"You mean, you're going to stay?" asked Angel, he got off the lounge and walked to me. I bit my lip till I tasted blood, I shook my head, and he faltered.

"I didn't mean to choose, it just came out. I haven't chosen yet!" I screamed, leaping away from Angel. "I haven't chosen, I didn't mean to choose. Please, don't keep me here!"

"What, you want to leave?" screamed Angel.

"I don't know, I didn't mean to say it." I burst into tears, "I can't leave him alone in that world, he needs to know."

Angel took a step towards me. "Buffy, I'm here. That's all you need…"

"No. Don't say things like that, Angel. I get confused." I looked into his eyes, the ones I used to drown in. "I need to go somewhere, not here and not at Giles'-"

"You can stay at the dorm," said Cordelia, "can't she, Willow?"

"I guess. If it's okay with you."

"I think the question should be: if it's okay with you guys? This is weird-"

"It doesn't matter, you're my best friend." Said Willow, smiling. "Am I in the other world?"

"Yeah."

"Great, you can stay with us until you've figured stuff out." Said Cordy, "just don't take too long, the floor isn't comfortable and I might get in trouble for letting you sleep there-"

"You mean 'we.'" Said Willow.

"No, I mean me." Cordy said, "they love you Will, you could set a kitten on fire and they'd still kiss the ground you walk on."

"They would not!" Willow looked mortified, "I would never hurt a kitten."

"I never said you would, I said you could-"

"I'll stay. Be quiet."

Angel looked away when I tried to get his attention, "it won't be forever."

"It will, if you end up leaving."

"Listen," I placed my hand of his face. "I love you, but I need my space and no, we're not on a break so don't go all Ross on me."

"I won't." he said, even though I could tell he had no idea what I was talking about.

"Okay, I'm gonna go pack."

An hour later I walked through the door of Willow and Cordy's dorm room. I know I have been here before, but it still felt like I hadn't but I knew why.

"Thanks you guys, this means a lot."

"No worries. Angel is getting all weirded out by this, you both need a break." Cordy closed the windows and curtains, while Willow turned on the light and her computer. I put my duffel on the floor by the door, it was the same room I had in the other world. Willow's stuff is in the same place; the only difference is that my stuff has been replaced with Cordelia Chase's. "Here, you can use these tonight."

She handed me a pillow and blanket, although I had brought my own. Willow had carried them in and they were sitting on her bed. But the extra bedding will be muchly appreciated. Cordy's a hell of a person. So different from the other world's Cordelia. It must have been the influence of hanging around us so much, Xander and Cordelia are still together here after all.

"Thanks."

"What do you guys want to do?" asked Willow.

"I don't know-"

"I do." Cordy went to the phone and picked up the receiver. "Who's up for pizza?"

TBC...

That's it before Christmas, I'm going on holiday tomorrow actually. I wish everyone and anyone reading this a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Be safe, see you next year. Love, Maddy.


	6. Part Five

**PART FIVE:**

Cordelia flicked the pepperoni at Willow, who glared and threw her pineapple in retaliation. I laughed and bit into my own pizza. The evening had been fun, I'd half forgotten what that was like, get it 'half.' We've eaten pizza, garlic bread, drunk Coke and had a wonderful gossip session, I let a few things slip that they never did: about Willow and Xander kissing with Cordy and Oz catching them. Or Xander's love spell that caused the whole town to become obsessed with him except Cordelia. It's hard sometimes to know which memory came from which world. I haven't spent every second of every day with the human Angel.

"Buffy, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Wills."

"Why would you want to go back there?"

"I don't want to-"

"Talk about it," cut in Cordelia. "Yeah, we know. But look at it from our position, it's kinda like we know you, but don't. Help us out here."

"Okay, I want to talk to somebody. Preferably not my diary." I took a deep breath, "I love the other Angel just as much as I love this one. I love my family and friends on both worlds. If I choose this one, I'm being selfish because on the other world I can't have Angel, we're not together…can't be together. God, it just hurts to be in the same room as him, but here…we have everything. We're getting married, I don't want to give that up. But I can't give him up either, my soul is torn in two, I have to choose between them. I don't want to do that."

"But-"

"I have to, I know I have no other choice, Willow. But I don't want to choose." I began to cry, Willow reached for me the same time Cordelia did. They both held me as I poured out my tears, my life. It felt like I was dying, but it only felt like it. I really wish I would.

I pulled my diary out my bag, got a pen, flipped to a fresh page and began to write.

Hi, I'm Buffy Anne Summers. I was born on the 19th January 1981. My parents are Joyce and Hank Summers, but it's a bit of a stretch if you consider Hank to be a parent. When I was 15, I became the Slayer.

Now, 4 years later I'm two people in one body, two people that love two different people, have two different families and two different sets of friends. I love them all, but now I have to sacrifice one world so that I may live in the other. I'm sorry, but how mean is that? Those stupid Powers That Be are giving me the chance to choose my destiny, my life…bullshit. It's a load of crap. I don't want to choose. I wish I never made that wish. Yes, it was a wish. I remember it now, that and other things. I said "I just wish, you know, that I don't have to worry about this stuff." Those fourteen words changed everything, but I've known of two words changing everything too. "I don't."

So I made a wish, so why can't I wish it back? I don't know. I'm sitting in the dorm room of my best friends, all alone because they have class and I am, according to the wider community: grossly sick. Cordelia's choice of words, not mine. But I don't mind, I'd like to sit here all by myself. All by myself, don't wanna be, all by myself anymore! Woops, not the right choice of song there. Frankly it was a bad choice of song. I'm gonna get it stuck in my head! Damn it. Not the point, no forever is the point. Where am I willing to stay for the rest of my life? Maybe that's the right question to be asking. Here I have the secure knowledge of knowing that I have Angel, a future with him. But in the other world…what do I have?

I go on, day after day pretending that I'm not slowly, every so slowly, dying. I love Angel so much, both of them. But I don't have him there. They're right, Angel's right. Why would I want to go back to a world that doesn't have him in it, not the way I want him to be. I can't go there now that I've had this…heaven. I have him. That's important, it means more to me than anything ever has. I know what this means, I know that me staying here will change the other world in ways I can't comprehend. It may be doomed, but I want this, I need this.

So, I guess I'm taking the selfish road. Does that make me a bad person? I don't want to be a bad person, but there is something I don't want even more: to be alone.

I knock on the front door of the mansion. It is instantly flung open.

"I felt you."

"I know, I could feel you too."

"What's going on?"

"I'm here to say 'hi'."

"Hi?"

"Yeah, hi. It's a good way to greet someone. Although, Giles would say it's more polite to say 'hello.' But he's not here right now. Is he?"

"No, no one's here. Buffy, what are you doing?"

"I already told you."

"Somehow I don't believe you."

"How did you sleep last night?'

"Sorry?"

"How did you-"

"I heard what you said."

"Well, are you going to answer me?"

"Answer what?"

"My god. Have you been paying any attention to me?"

"I'm trying to, but I'm just getting confused."

"Okay, time for a re-cap. I came here to say hi, but I also have some other intentions which I'll tell you in a minute. But I was sitting in the dorm room, wondering what I was going to do so I began writing in my diary. I really like doing that, one bad thing about diaries, is that when you start to cry, they can't reach out and hold you. That's what Willow and Cordelia did for me last night. It was really nice of them, you know what I realised though. You haven't held me in days, you've barely touched me. Expect for the other night, I remember wanting you to touch me so badly."

"Buffy, I didn't think you wanted me to."

"I didn't, it was because I didn't feel like I belonged here. I couldn't have you because you weren't mine. But you are mine, I belong here, well, I want to belong here. I like it here, I'm happier. We can be Buffy and Angel together, not Buffy and Angel may eventually come to his senses and return with his soul bound forever. The odds of that happening are basically non-existent."

"Are you saying what I think you're-"

"Staying."

"You're…staying."

He reached for me, but I took a step back. Angel paled, "I'm staying, but I need you to understand. I love the other Angel, he's still a part of me. He's half of me, or a quarter…whatever. I need you to be okay with that. You have to get used to the idea that I can love someone other than you."

"We're the same person, just like you are now one person. You're Buffy and I'm Angel. It's all that matters."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, this is where my other intentions come in. I was planning on seducing you."

"Really?" Angel put his hands around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. "And how were you going to do that?"

"Show up."

"Oh, you think you're that good. Do you?"

"No, but I know you're powerless against me."

"That I am. But same goes for you."

"I love you."

He smiled, "I love you."

"So, are we going to go make crazy, wild love now?"

He laughed and spun me around before kissing me hard on the lips. We broke away once we ran out of breath. "So that's a yes then?"

"That's a yes."

"God, I missed you so much last night."

"I know, I missed you too."

She was dreaming again, at least that's what she told herself. Yes, Buffy was aware that she was both asleep and dreaming, it happened on occasion. So, what was the Slayer dreaming? Not much, it was a simple dream about her and the love of her life…

"Angel."

"Hi, Buffy."

"No, you're not Angel." She backed away.

"I am, not just the one you were expecting."

"No, you can't be. We're in different worlds, you can't-"

"Like being in different worlds can stop us. Do you remember that dream on the beach? 'Forever…that's the whole point.'"

"Oh, god. No, Angel. Is it really you?" She searched his face for some kind of answer, she found it. "It really is you."

"Yeah. What are you doing here?"

"I'm asleep-"

"No, I mean. Why are you here?" His eyes filled with tears, it shocked her to the core. He rarely cried and when he did… "Why aren't you here, in this world with me?"

"I am, it's just not you." She put one of his hands into her smaller ones. "I have the chance to be happy, really, really happy. Don't you want that for me?"

"Yes, but I wanted to be the one who made you happy. When we were both ready, when we had become who we were supposed to. I wanted my life to be with you."

"You know, you could have told me this ages ago. Ages and ages ago, like when I came to LA to yell at you for sneaking around."

"It didn't seem to be the right moment."

"Okay, how about when I was falling asleep, listening to your heart beat. Wouldn't that have been a great time for a little emotional expression?"

"You remember?"

"I remember everything, I shouldn't but I do. The Powers aren't very aware."

"You remember?"

"I love you for what you did." She smiled sadly and traced the outline of his handsome face. "I love you more because of it. I can never tell the other Angel what you did; I don't want to tell anyone. It can be a secret-"

"I told Doyle and he probably told Cordelia."

"Well, just between the four of us then." She smiled a bit happier that time. "I can never come back, I'm sorry, so this is where we say goodbye."

"But why? What does that world have that this one doesn't?"

"You, you're human. We're getting married, we live together and I'm so unbelievably happy. I don't want to be alone where you are. Here, I can never be alone."

"Be happy, please be so very happy."

"I will, I promise." She leapt into his arms, they held her tightly as she and he cried. This was their final goodbye. "Goodbye, I'll miss you everyday."

"It's not goodbye."

"Angel-"

He pulled away and cupped her cheek in his hand. "We'll never have a goodbye. When you die you'll become two people again, right?"

"I guess."

"Then I'll see you in Heaven, Buffy. My soul is a part of yours, we belong together. Nothing can change that."

"Not even being in different universes."

"Mostly not that."

"I love you."

"I love you. I understand why you want to stay; I'm not going to hate you for it. But I will miss you."

"I need you to go on, live, love-"

"No, not going to happen."

"It has to, please promise me you'll live. Live for me if not for yourself. I need you to do this; I'll know if you die because I'll feel it. No matter what happens, no matter where I am, I'll feel you inside."

I bolted upright; Angel made a noise next to me. It was a dream, wasn't it? God, I don't know. It felt so real. I pushed the covers of my body and reached for my dressing gown.

"Buffy…"

"I'm just getting a drink." I said softly to the man I love. Well, one of them. Does that mean I have loved someone besides him? Too much, don't think about it.

"Okay, come back soon."

"I will." I leant over and kissed him near his temple. "I love you."

"Love you more."

I fought back a sob, he's probably right. Don't think about it. Maybe I should get that tattooed on the back of my eye lids in some weird ink that glows in the dark and also on my forehead, but written backwards so that I can read it whenever I see my reflection.

Could Angel have really been in my dream? It's happened before, the dreams of him and me when he was in Hell, another dimension, just like I am now. I belong here, but don't at the same time.

"How am I supposed to go on with my life, knowing what we had…what we could have had?"

I walk to the fireplace, it reminds me so much of Angel's relationship and mine. Hot and burning. Sometimes I got burnt. But now the stone aspect is…different. It could be a sign, because of what's happened, am I going to turn to stone? Will losing that world, that Angel, that mom and Willow, Xander and Giles turn me into a person without feeling?

Riley…I've never met him, not in this world anyway. The Initiative hasn't come to Sunnydale, I wonder why. They would still exist somewhere; Angel's humanity couldn't have changed that. But maybe the reason why they first came to Sunnydale no longer exists, or never did.

My heart feels a pang, even though I could never love Riley the way he would have wanted (the way I half wanted), but he was, I mean, is a good, honest, decent, normal-ish man. I loved him for being there to take the pain of being alone away. That's important, I think.

Hours later, after much more thought and a bit of crying. I returned to my bed upstairs, as I slid between the covers Angel moved against my back and put an arm around me. I smiled, whispered that I loved him and promptly fell asleep.

TBC…

That'll be the last part for a couple of weeks, I'll be busy with my b'day and then TAFE starting up. But I hope you like this part. You know the drill: read and review (I always reply if given some way to contact you). Love, Maddy


	7. Part Six

**PART SIX:**

"So what happens now?"

I sighed as I remembered. I hate that I forgot, that I lied to him. How can I tell him that I remember now? How can I tell him I'm not angry? How can I undo this? The Oracles said that the spell couldn't be reversed. Couldn't or wouldn't? There is a difference. What if I can reverse the spell? Would I do it…willingly?

"Buffy, what are you doing here all by yourself?" asked Angel coming into the garden. I liked the garden, I remember planting those rose bushes but I also remember fighting Angelus. "Buffy?"

"Sorry, memories." I explained looking around the garden again.

"Which ones?" Angel sat next to me on the retaining wall.

"Both. I get confused sometimes. Especially with things that happened in both worlds, but just happened a little differently." I looked at Angel, his expression blank. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"I was the one who brought it up."

"Oh, yeah." I said so softly that he mightn't have heard it. "What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" He lightly brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I stiffened at his touch, he noticed. "I'm-"

"Sorry. This is still a little weird for me. I'm so very sorry. I love you with all I am. But it's-"

"Hard. I know. I get it. How long do you think it'll take for you to get used to it?"

"How can you-?" I began, horrified at his insensitivity.

"Because, Giles wants you back on regular patrol as soon as supernaturally possible."

"Oh."

"Hey, I know you need time to adjust. I'm not here to rush you, I'm a source of endless support."

"And love." I finished.

"And love."

"You have no idea what you mean to me."

He smiled at that. "I don't think I ever will."

I shook my head, smiling somewhat bitterly at the circumstances surrounding us. "No matter what happens, I will always love you."

"Nothing is going to happen, Buffy."

I laughed. "Something always happens, Angel." I pushed myself off the low wall and began to pace. "I mean, stuff happened in this world and a lot more happened in the other world."

"Tell me about it."

I faltered, "what?"

"I know you didn't tell us everything the other day at Giles'. You can tell me."

I sighed, feeling bad for making him feel bad. "I know. I want to. But, there some things I want to keep to myself for a while."

Angel nodded, his face filled with pain. I felt bad, of course I did. But there is little I could have done.

* * *

How do you return to an old life after knowing things could have been different? I thought as I patrolled Weatherly Park later that night. Angel and I avoided each other for much of the day. I didn't return to school, but I will be going back tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that. I don't have a thought about it actually; I'm just so confused and messed up inside. Hardly anything makes sense; memories and feelings are all swirling around my head. I'm scared that I won't be Buffy anymore.

The hardest part of the day is when I'm by myself, I'm given time to think about what has happened in the past few days. I worry about the other world, what my friends and mother are doing. And Riley…I wanted to love him. I wanted to love someone to take the pain away, I didn't – don't – care who it was, I just wanted the loneliness to fade away. Riley Finn did that; better than I wanted him to. I began to forget how Angel made me feel, the flutter of my heart when he walked into the room, the way his kisses made me melt…I began to lose him and a part of me didn't even care.

Now I'm here, but not now, I have been all the time. But not at the same time. I'm getting so confused. I'm scared of opening my mouth in case I say something that happened in the other world and it might make this bad, like how Oz cheated on Willow with a fellow werewolf. Or how Xander and Willow cheated on Oz and Cordelia. What if I let something really important slip out of my mouth? What if it's got something to do with Angel? What if I lose him? I can't lose him; I might as well be dead.

* * *

"Say 'hello, school.'"

"Hello, school." I said full of fake cheerfulness, Willow noticed.

"Not happy about being back?"

"Who in their right mind would be happy to go back to college?" asked Cordelia. It was my first day since it happened and I was strangely glad I was back. It's so normal; it's a routine that I can easily fall back into. You go to class, you pretend that you're paying attention while your best friend copies down notes that you will later copy, when the class is over you go home or hang around. Which Willow might do. I know neither her nor Cordelia have any more classes today, maybe I can convince them to do something girly.

"I can't believe I do psychology here too. It's definitely not the same in the other world. We're being taught by a crazy woman and Cor, you aren't even there."

"Where am I?"

"LA." I answered as we walked into the lecture room.

"Am I an actress?" Cordelia's hazel eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"No, I don't think so. You work for Angel. He runs a detective agency."

"Oh," she deflated dramatically. Willow fought to keep herself from laughing, she didn't succeed. "Willow, shut up." Cordy huffed all the way to our usual seats near the front. I was glad Cordelia hadn't left LA. I remember how we convinced her not to go to LA, but to stay in Sunnydale. With her grades she managed to get a scholarship. Who knew Cordelia Chase was so smart?

I sat next to Cordy and Will sat next to me. We waited in relative silence for the professor to arrive, Professor Whyte was okay, not as world-renowned as Maggie Walsh was – no, wait, is – but he sure wasn't a crazy government psycho lady. Whyte was in his fifties and was getting grey hair, he actually complained about it during lectures. He complained about a lot of things during the lectures. Willow once used him as a case study for an assignment. He was honoured. Strange guy, but normal strange.

"Where is he?" hissed Cordelia. I was also worried; he was like Giles with tardiness. "It's been ten minutes, if he doesn't get here by the time I'm finished talking-"

The door handle twisted, most of the class heard it and instantly turned to watch who ever was going to come through the door. It wasn't Professor Whyte. It was Riley Finn.

"What the hell?" I cried out louder than I would have liked. Cordelia and Willow jumped.

"What's wrong with you?" Cordelia once again hissed.

Willow, however caught on a bit quicker. "Is he from the o-other world?" she whispered close to my ear.

I didn't respond. Riley hadn't heard my outburst, only Will, Cordy and a few surrounding students heard. I was eternally grateful for that. Riley proceeded to introduce himself to the class, explaining that Professor Whyte was ill and that he would taking the class today and only for today until Maggie Walsh arrived. Oh, crap.

I frantically stuffed my things in my shoulder bag, muttering curses along the way. I slung the bag over my shoulder, "I-I gotta go."

"He is from the-"

"Yes."

"Are we in danger?" asked Cordelia, glancing at her own bag, wondering if she should pack her things too.

I faltered at that, "would I leave you here if you were?"

"No, I guess not." She admitted. "What is it?"

"Something possibly bad. But he won't hurt you."

"Okay, you go wherever you're going to go." Willow said letting me walk past her and into the aisle. "Just tell us what's going on later."

"I'll tell everyone." I smiled and gave them both a small wave goodbye. "Don't worry." I proceeded to walk quickly down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Riley asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs. "The class has just started."

"I know, but I have to go. It's really important. Sorry, bye." I said at lightning speeds.

"Don't let it happen again."

"It won't."

Riley nodded. He looked exactly the same. Minus the drug withdrawals with the shaking and sweating. His sweet and sincere smile, his blue eyes…I felt sorry for him. I don't really know why. I rushed for the door and yanked it open.

"Come back for the things you'll miss." Riley called after me as I ran out the door. I didn't respond, I didn't slow down until I could see the mansion rising up on the hill.

* * *

"Angel!" I yelled as I entered our home. "Angel!" I put my bag in the lounge. "Angel, are you here?" Nothing. "Damn it," I muttered under my breath. But I was Buffy and I wasn't going to give up that easily. Angel works at the gallery with my mother, he's second in command and the job and her friendship mean a lot to him. But he takes every Friday off, so he should be at home.

I yelled out his name again as I ascended the stone stairwell. "Are you here? I really need to talk to you! Angel?" ten minutes later when I had completely searched the house and grounds and found no trace of Angel I decided to go and see Giles. I locked up the house and cursed the fact that I never bothered to learn to drive in either world, so I began running again. Thank God I wasn't wearing a skirt.

* * *

I knocked hard on the large front door of Giles and Jenny's house. A voice yelled: "I'll get it!", footsteps, then: "who is it?"

"It's me, Buffy."

The door opened. Jennifer Giles stood there smiling at me. Without a moments hesitation I hugged her as hard as I could. "You're alive. Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

"B-Buff-" She started to struggle in my arms. I let go.

"Sorry. Sometimes I forget that I could hug people to death." I said apologizing.

"It's okay. It's good to see you again." She stepped out of the way; I walked past her and into the foyer. I placed my bag next a round table in front of the staircase. Their house was beautiful. But due to Jenny's more modern influence it didn't resemble a museum. "Is something wrong?"

I nodded, "very wrong. But not end of the world wrong, not yet anyways."

Jenny took that in. "Giles and Angel are in the study. They told me everything. How are you holding up?"

I was genuinely touched by her concern. "Thanks for asking. I'm okay. That's the truth. I have Angel, you have Giles and everyone else is happy. It'll get better once…"

"You've gotten used to it."

"Exactly." But without the getting used to it part. I will learn to deal; I will learn to forget the other world, to shove it to the back of my mind. This is where I belong, this is my home now and I have to focus my attention here. "Can I go talk to them, or are they deep in conversation?"

"Not sure. How about we find out?"

I smiled, taking in the happy and serene nature of Jenny. I never got to see this side of her in the other world, what with her being dead. I never got to see her happy. "Lead on."

Jenny and I walked to the study, Jenny opened the door and pushed it open, the voices inside stopped immediately. "What is it?"

"Hello," I gave a small wave. Angel's face brightened momentarily before confusion overshadowed. I knew where he was coming from: why was I here? I should still be at college. "I-I have to tell you stuff. Important stuff."

"Possible end of the world stuff." Added Jenny. I cringed, yeah…end of the world. The others weren't too pleased with my reaction. Angel patted the space next to him; I smiled and sat down beside him.

"My psyche professor didn't show up today. But someone from the other world did in his place."

"Someone followed you?" asked Jenny.

"No, each world would have almost doubles of everyone…" I fell silent, expect those that died because of Angelus and various other big bads. I didn't add that last part, best to keep away from that subject. "His name is Riley Finn. He's a Teacher's Assistant and works for the government. He's a commando, military and is a group leader for this organization called the Initiative. What they do is capture and experiment on demons."

"Excuse me?" Asked Jenny.

"I bed your pardon?" That was Giles.

"They what?" And that was Angel.

I nodded, "They captured Spike, put this chip in his head and now he can't hurt any human. Only demons, if he tries to hurt a human or actually does the chip will give him major neurological pain." They all looked mildly surprised, "that's it! Spike is now hanging around all the time hoping to get money off us so he can buy blood. I don't know why I haven't killed him yet and that's the reaction I get?"

"No, I mean," Angel looked at Giles. Then turned his attention back to me. "'Neurological pain?'"

"That's what you're surprised about? That I know I big word? I do attend college, you know. And having heard Giles explain it dozens of times it tends to stick." I folded my arms across my chest. "You guys are unbelievable."

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm not saying you're not smart, because you are-"

"It's okay." I smiled reassuringly at my boyfriend. I took a deep breath. "So what are we going to do about Riley and his government pals?"

"I don't know. This is rather unexpected." Giles admitted, taking off his glasses and cleaning them. "What course of action did you take in the other world?"

"First, I thought, this is kinda cool. I could have help with the demon slaying department. I got security clearance to their underground base, passes and everything. That was cool. But then they tried to kill me. Not so good."

"Were you okay?"

I was touched at Angel's concern; it was obvious I was perfectly fine. "Yeah, just a trap with some demons. Sure showed them not to mess with me. I think. When I got sent here we were actually hiding from them."

"Oh, dear." This was not what Giles wanted to hear. Jenny put her hand of his shoulder; Giles placed his own hand on top of hers. The small exchange nearly brought a tear to my eye. It wasn't fair that the other world Giles had been unable to experience something like this.

"It's not – we were…" I started saying, how do I explain that the real reason we were still in hiding was that Riley was going through his drug withdrawals? That I was just trying to protect my boyfriend? "There's more. When Riley found out that his boss tried to have me killed, he deserted. Which was a bad thing since the place had everyone on drugs and now that Riley can't get his fix, he was going through massive withdrawals when I left. Probably still is."

"Well, at least we knew he's a good guy. Might come in handy." Angel said. I felt sick all the way to the heart. I know I didn't betray this Angel, or the other one for that matter, bit it still feels like I did.

"Yeah, he is a good guy. But things could be different since the Initiative hasn't had the chance to try and kill me yet. By the time Riley comes 'round, it may be too late."

"Too late for what?" asked Jenny.

"We don't know, but they are definitely up to something bad. They're not the good guys and are in way over their heads." My thoughts filled of Riley going through his withdrawals without me with him. I may not love him, but I do care about him and he doesn't deserve to go through this alone. "Giles, what should we do?"

"I'm not sure. Let's have the Gang here tonight, we can come up with a plan of action then."

"Okay," I nodded and pushed myself up off the lounge, Angel followed suit. "We'll come back later then. I'll do some thinking too. Angel can help."

"I'm sure he will." Smirked Jenny.

"See you later," I smiled as I reached instinctively for Angel's hand. As our hands linked we walked out of the study, Angel said his goodbyes over his shoulder, careful not to break stride. "Why were you here?" I asked once we were outside.

"I wanted to talk to Giles."

"About what?"

"About the situation. I don't want to burden you-"

"But that's what couples do, they burden each other."

"It's such a great system." Angel and I walked to his car; he opened the passenger side door for me. I slid in and waited for him to get into the driver's seat.

"What could you say to Giles but couldn't say to me?"

"Wouldn't, not couldn't." he turned the ignition. I felt stung, why would he think he couldn't talk to me?

"Is this because I'm two Buffys?" I asked, letting the hurt show in my voice. "You don't think you can tell me everything?"

"I know I can. I feel that I can."

"Then why don't you?"

Angel sighed, turned off the engine and shifted his body to face me. "I love you. I don't want worry you with my thoughts, they're not bad thoughts, I just wanted Giles' opinion. A guy's opinion."

"You still should have talked to me."

"You have to give me the chance first." He half-smiled. "How do you know that I wouldn't have told you when you got back from class?"

"Fine, fine. I don't know. But I want you to know, to understand and believe that you can tell me anything."

"I know, and I believe. Don't worry, Buffy."

"You know I do."

"Yeah, I know."

We starred at each other for a moment before Angel restarted the car, as we began to drive away from Giles and Jenny's home, I sank into the chair and looked at the scenery as it passed by. I couldn't bring myself to look at Angel, not when I was keeping a huge secret from him. Now I will have to tell him about Riley. As we drove home tears poured down my face. What if I lose him?

TBC...

Here's the next part, hope you like it. Remember I always reply if given some way of contacting you. Love, Maddy


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